All the neighborhood cats are gonna want a piece of me.

I got one of these on Christmas morning. And I intend to wear it. If it will embarass you, being seen with me and these large tufts of faux fur jingling jauntily along, just walk a few paces away from me. That's where my children will be.

Top THAT, Santa.

I just used a straight pin to pick a holly jolly green gift basket splinter from my middle finger. And my Pyrex measuring cup came the closest I've ever seen to doing that Urban Myth/Or Not Thing where still, silent, hot water from the microwave blows up in your face. Still, hot water. Then. BOOM! Almost did that. But, it didn't. And my Jell-O mold is beautiful. And my strawberries do NOT look like meatballs.

So, those two things. Just those. Are the only reasons I can think of for not being happy this Christmas.

Here are some reasons I am.

1. My little brother, who just turned 30, just called to tell my boys that Hannah Montana comes on in a few minutes before Monday Night Football.

2. My boys are home and healthy right now w/ their parents who are home and healthy.

3. And my boys are in the bathroom RIGHT NOW wrapping my Christmas presents. YES. The bathroom. And RIGHT NOW!

4. The dog has on a Christmas dress. Before you gag. It's just a bow.

5. My parents are home and healthy. FOUR BYPASSES later. FOUR! And healthy.

6. I have spent treasured time w/ my treasured friends this season. Over coffee. And casseroles and quiche w/ eggs and sausage and tomatoes. And buttermilk squares. Over fried mushrooms and chicken fried steak. And a sewing machine making pillowcases. And in an empty apartment making it a home. And BBQ enchiladas here. And stromboli here. And on the phone with friends who are going to court DAILY in the defense of children. (And who have just gotten hardwood floors, of which I am SO jealous.)

7. I have made new friends who have helped me wrap presents w/ children for their mothers whose mothers have no money to buy THEM presents. But, I have friends who have bought those children presents.

8. I have made friends who have donated MEAT for families with nothing. MEAT!!

9. My friends have remembered me and my children w/ lovely gifts. Because as much as we give and give, isn't it nice to also receive? ADMIT IT!!! It is. (But, you reaaaalllly shouldn't have. Or you caaannnn, if you wish.)

10. Next year. NEXT YEAR!! There will be TWO babies in our family. TWO!! I will be an aunt. I already am an aunt, but I will be an aunt in "real time" when my little brother becomes a dad. And our oldest son will be a dad, too. And I guess, theoretically, that makes me a grandmother. Or not.

11. There really are people fishing, running, walking and shell collecting on the beach this time of year.

12. The Big One and I have delivered MY chili our neighborhood firemen. I CHALLENGE those firemen to make better chili than Uncle Whit's Famous Chili. (Thank you, Bubble Girl, for teaching me about real chili.)

13. My Christmas card collection overflows. Thank you, dear friends, for your letters and your pictures of you and your children and your pets. I treasure them. And I really do notice if you've used stamps or stationary or cards to fit a "theme." I notice because that makes me SOOO happy. Your cards are a gift. If they've caused you grief or stress headaches in these waning days of the season, I thank you for making the effort. I appreciate being on your list. I thank you for your hard work.

14. We have stayed safe in our car during our travels.

15. The Tall One to Whom I am Married managed to find a use for the words "toilet croutons" during our gift exchange w/ my family.

16. I have family visiting other countries this season because it makes them happy. I have friends whose family is visiting from other countries and that makes me happy.

17. Greek food.

18. Gift cards. ("They're better than a BAD gift," The oh-so-quotable Tall One says.)

19. Friends who loan me books.

20. Sugar cookies.

21. TWO WEEKS with NOTHING on the calendar.

22. Heading out w/ a Thermos of hot chocolate to see Christmas lights.

23. Hannah Montana sings at halftime.

24. Did I mention they're wrapping MY presents RIGHT NOW?

25. And my Jell-O mold is beautiful?

(So, since Blogger WILL NOT give me those spaces between items 16 and 21 and I have to edit anyway to say, "It's not my fault," then I'll just go ahead and add "SINUS MEDS" to my list of happy holiday things. Because if I'm sitting next to you at Christmas dinner tomorrow and I HAVEN'T taken my sinus medication, I MIGHT just reach over, snatch your FORK right out of your hand and use it to SCRATCH my mouth and throat! And my eyes. DANG you cedar pollen! )

A blessed, blessed, merry, merry Christmas.

I'm just sayin' ...

So, I've heard that Gap has these great, nubby, woolly, totally too hot for Texas scarves. In red.
And, Target. That store. Has 1-quart sauce pans WITH A LID, so if someone was, say, trying to make REAL oatmeal because it's better for you than instant oatmeal and ... HEY ... I know ... no one told me either ... Wilford Brimley tried ... but I didn't listen 'til now ... that they could add a lid DURING those critical FIVE MINUTES when things need to get all soft and smooth and EDIBLE because if you use a two quart pan with a lid then things spread out so much in the pan that the water and oats don't get cozy and the oatmeal is then, I don't know, crunchy? It's not supposed to crunch. My mama says.
There's kitchen hand soap at Williams-Sonoma that is way decadent and would probably make someone very happy.
I heard Timex makes a watch that syncs w/ your iPod so that if you were to run ... actually RUN ... in training for a 1/2 marathon ... where music is SO VERY important and is the only thing that makes you want to lace your shoes, but if you've never figured where your ear bud cords should lay ... front or back ... or if you really can't figure why you downloaded that Rick Springfield song from your new best friend iTunes and wish to SKIP right over it ... you can do that w/o tripping ... or stopping ... because you can use the buttons on the watch. But stopping to skip over Rick can be good. Stopping to breathe. And it comes in pink. The watch.
There is a jersey here that is way cool. It's black and grey and way hot looking ... not hot like HOT, but hot like hot because I can't imagine anyone wanting to ride a bike in weather so cold that it necessitates wool but this jersey is really pretty all black and grey with a cool back pocket WITH a wooden-looking button that would look awesome paired w/ the red scarf from above ... not above like God but above like Gap.
This store also sells "toe guards" to wear over your bike shoes in "cold and inclement weather." So your toes don't get wet or cold. That's why I have a car.
Hardwood floors. I heard they increase the value of your house. And who doesn't want a VALUABLE house?
These ROCK!
One time my friend told me that her husband should really never give her anything for her birthday or Christmas that plugs in ... and then she told me that HER child would never throw a fit in the school supply aisle in August ("helloooooo KTLooooo") ... but there are these cute little food processors that plug in and pulse your coarse, bulky oatmeal when you make pumpkin cookies because that's what Bubble Girl does. She told me. And that girl knows her stuff. Have you tried her quiche? And she probably will NOT like this. I didn't either. (Hey, "Head to Head," thanks for GROSSING ME OUT!)
So, that's my Christmas list. What's on yours?

Bean Cannes

So, tonight the boys and I watched "Mr. Bean's Vacation," because I am a mom who tolerates/adores Mr. Bean (R. Atkinson), Will Ferrell AND Jim Carey. Crazy. I know. Jim's my least favorite, Will's PURE GENIUS, and "Bean," in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" AIN'T far from it.
So, anyhoo, we're watching Bean, and the preview is for a Veggie Tales movie ... characters whom I DON'T rank in the comic genius category. A little too preachy. But, maybe they just had a preachy period and now they're branching out into something a little more "Bean-Like." More hard core, you know?
So, The Short One says to me, "I just love those fruits. Those fruits in Veggie Tales. They're funny fruits."
"Honey," I began, all the while knowing I should just Let. It. Lie. "They're vegetables."
"Well, now, HOW IN THE WORLD (and he said that.) ..." "How in the world do you know that? How do you know that when they're green and they're wearing pirate costumes?"
PURE genius? I guess I am.

Bountiful ... and then some ...

Go here. Eat a cookie. And some chicken salad. And champagne peach tea. It's pink. The restaurant, not the tea. It's sweet. The tea is too. And they have the "good" ice. In Styrofoam cups. Just like Chick-Fil-A. And you KNOW that makes me happy.
Take a friend.
For so many reasons, it'll touch your heart.

Random Thoughts

Another edition of Random Thoughts ... aka I Just Can't Get My Thoughts Together ...

After a weekend of science fair project preparation (The Big One) and a gnarly stomach bug (The Short One), I sent both boys to school this morning in khakis and long-sleeved "church" shirts that are both just a taaaaad too short in the sleeves. Both boys have all-exciting field trips. TBO heads to the Paramount for The Nutcracker. My assignment to him is to tell me when he gets home who comes out of Mother Ginger's big ol' skirt. It's usually some local celebrity, but I bet a good portion of the ballet is cut for 3rd grade attention spans and bus schedules.

TSO is going w/ 23 other kinder classmates to TARGET to shop for a gift for a child from the children's shelter. Nice thought, but TORTUROUS field trip. GOD BLESS the parents that signed up for that one. I don't love my children enough to take them shopping for their friends' birthday party gifts. Imagine the chaos that will ensue w/ 24 of them! Surrounded by Target Holiday Treasures like that Talking Parrot from Hell and that God-Forsakenly Scary, Kid-Sized, Butterscotch Pony Thing.

I am feeling rather smug this morning because I realized after I pulled myself together and into clothes that, with the exception of my boots and ... a couple of other private things ... the sum of my outfit today ... while not EXCITING ... is completely thrifted. I didn't plan it. Just happened that way. Levi's skirt and layered tops from St. Vincent de Paul thrift shop and Levi's denim jacket from a lovely little thrift shop called Feather's Boutique on S. Congress. Don't go there. It's all mine. The 60s and 70s short skirts in wild prints that would KICK IT w/ boots and tights. Racks of long velvety skirts to pair w/ sparkly turtlenecks and any one of theeeeese lovely ballet babies ...

... that were delivered to me last week, most CERTAINLY from the North Pole. (Target. Online. 14.99. NO SHIPPING!) And coats. Just can't get enough of those in my closet, but I'm trying.

I told you these thoughts were random.

Since TSO had plenty of time on his hands this weekend when he wasn't face down in a trash can, he concluded that he enjoys CUTTING more than STAPLING. And the cutting of "construction worker paper," is much preferred over that "white computer paper ... you know, Mommy, where you sit. At the computer."

And TBO turned in a beauty of a science fair project. Engineered entirely by HIMSELF w/ a little input from The Tall One Who is His Dad, and me ... The Brave One Who Encountered Crazy Holiday People in Parking Lots and Craft Stores Many, Many Times. All for beads, corks, vinyl tubing and black foam board to prove that "Yes, Virginia, HURRICANES are increasing in number and intensity. Just like Al Gore says." Does he say that? Not sure.

Is Britney pregnant?

Are your Christmas cards mailed? We got our first Christmas card in the mailbox before Thanksgiving.

Love this stuff. Stay back or I might spritz you with it. YOU bake. I'm just going to smell like it.

It's been fun. Have a lovely day.