I SHUDDER to think of the damage my high school boyfriend would've caused had XM Radio been around in 1984-85. I FEAR that his Trans Am steering wheel would not have withstood the incessant and intense DRUMMING that an entire CHANNEL dedicated to Ozzy would've evoked. As it was, a cassette of the Bat-Head-Biting-One himself was almost more than the wheel could bear.
Add Slayer, Poison, Exodus, XYZ and Great White to the mix and he would've pounded that wheel and dash RIGHT OFF. And we would've been deaf.
When The Tall One and I were shopping for a new truck over the last weeks, we poo poo'ed the luxuries of OnStar and satellite radio. "Just give us enough cup holders for sippy cups and Vanilla Coke, and we'll be on our way," we thought in the oh-so practical (read: boring) way we usually think.
But, now that we're spoiled w/ our temporary freebies in our new truck, my thinking has drastically changed.
Take away my dual a/c controls. Take my leather interior. Take my OnStar w/ the nice, lilting lady voice in the ceiling who, w/in minutes of setting up our new, free system was selling us a newer, not free system. Heck, take my extra cup holders.
BUT! Don't. Touch. My. XM. Satellite. Radio.
BACK AWAY!! From my three-month trial of more than 250 channels that will try to shift my gaze from, oh, I don't know, ONCOMING CARS to a channel w/ NOTHING BUT BROADWAY TUNES!!
A channel that lovingly commemorates "the heyday of '80s metal." AC/DC, Motley Crue, Ozzy ... spelled out for me with digital cue cards. Remember ... "see the chameleon, lying there in the sun, all hail to everyone, run, run away ...?" LUV that song. NO CLUE who sings it. Til' last nite. Slade, that's who. Spelled out. Like magic. Magic from the music gods in the XM Satellite sky.
Oh, and for a moment last nite ... with wine glasses in our new sippy cup holders ... Honeymoon Suite, who I haven't heard since my jam box ate my cassette in about the 9th grade, took me back to summers at the lake ... bus trips home from football games ...
THE OUTFIELD!! BRYAN ADAMS!! JOURNEY!! Touch it ... the channel that conjures mullets, air guitar and tennis tourneys w/ my high school crush (and I wasn't even on the TEAM) ... and LOSE a hand!!
Music from all decades ... genres w/in genres of COUNTRY ... did you know country could be "greasy and gritty." Well, it can on Channel 12. Rock, hip-hop, jazz, blues, DANCE, LATIN, oh Lord! The joy! The options!! The ... huh? "best unsigned artists from Canada ..." And Canada is BIG on XM Radio ... lots of hockey, COMEDY, talk ...
Whoa, sista! Step back!! OPRAH!! The sweet, sweet voice of Oprah ... on the radio. ON THE RADIO!!
Ellen's there too.
More news than's fit to print.
SPORTS. Sports. sports.
Reggae. And ... wait ... for ... it ... "the sung prayer of ancient chant." Channel 112. CHANT on Channel 112!! I am completely fulfilled. Beethoven. Handel.
No commercials. No ads. No disclaimers. No weather. No traffic.
PERRY COMO!! I can stand no more ...
Touch my PERRY COMO and D-I-E!!
